So, here I sit at a little after 5am, writing this post, but with no intention of posting this yet. See, I think I'm in labor, or at least headed that way, but I don't want to get everyone excited until I know for sure. I've seen this start and stop so many times with other people. And you've read on this blog about my little spurts of contractions. But these feel different.
They started a couple of hours ago, about 10-20 minutes apart, and I kept dozing between them. They got closer together, like 5-7 minutes apart, and strong. This is not the same feeling I've had before. And believe me, I've been doing things here and there to encourage labor. I've had contractions. They have not felt like this. These are strong. I can see why it would be frightening, and so difficult to go through without any drugs or preparation. If I hadn't already been living and breathing birth for the past 7 years, I would feel these contractions, get my butt to the hospital and demand, "Where's my epidural??" And this is only the beginning--as prepared as I feel in some ways, I honestly have no idea what I'm about to go through.
What I do know is that God knows. I know that my body was designed by Him, to do this job, fearfully and wonderfully made, known to Him before the beginning of time. I know that in this fallen world, where things do go wrong, He is in control, and I don't have to fear those things--He's there in the midst of them. Jesus tells us that the scriptures are specifically applicable to our lives--God's word written to me, even the old "outdated" stuff. Do you want to know some of the things he's been telling me? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," (2 Corinthians 12:9); "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me," (Exodus 20:2); "Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery? says the Lord. Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery? says your God...I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream." (Isaiah 66:9,12) I have a notebook filling quickly of verses and passages, and thoughts on how God wants to change my heart through this. I am thankful, so thankful, that the word of God is "living and active, sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
And so, I'm not posting this yet, because I don't know if I'm in labor, but these are the things going through my head and my heart and I can't wait to start baking a cake for this little girl. When you do read this, you can know that even though it will be just a little while longer, we are definitely on our way. (As though we haven't been on our way the whole time, on our meandering little path through life, just waiting to see what's around the next bend!)
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