First Scare - 10wks 0days

I went to work today, which was good, since I was home yesterday and miserably vomiting the entire day. Work is a good thing for keeping one's mind off of misery. I was so miserable yesterday that I didn't check email or surf the net or do anything, and even this post is being added a week late because of all of the rediculous nausea.

At any rate, today was a little scary - when I got to work this morning I found that I was bleeding a little. Not much, but I had no reason to be bleeding, and of course was a little worried that this might be the start of a miscarriage. I sono'd myself and found a beautiful heart beating and a baby bouncing around like "Hey Mom, look at me!" He looked fine, so I called Dan to let him know what was going on. A quick prayer together and back to work.

Trying to keep my mind off of the bleeding. Every couple of hours I take a trip to the bathroom, followed by a sono, constantly talking to God about what's going on in my heart. Here's that trust issue again, rearing it's head. Dan is so beautiful in how he approaches these things in life. I'm a little more gritty, realistic. He is reassured that everything is fine, he's excited that the baby is doing well, he believes it's time for us to start a family, and that this baby will do fine. And if it doesn't, we'll deal with that when it happens. He has no proof that it's fine; I have experience saying that it very likely could not be fine. He could worry, but he doesn't. It doesn't come that easy for me, and I have to take my worry, over and over, back to God, lay it down. I go through my day and find I've picked it up again. I take it back, lay it down. I know in my heart that I don't have to carry it, but sometimes I have a hard time believing that.

So, the day goes on, the bleeding slows to almost nothing, the baby is still fine on sonogram. I go home to Dan and Eric working on our new bathroom. I treat myself to a spa night--a nice long shower, a face mask, a deep condition, a shave, all by candlelight. I spend the time praying, talking to the baby, enjoying this precious motherhood that is so new and fragile, and when I leave the bathroom, I am completely relaxed, stilled, quiet. I lay down on the couch, just for a minute, but end up falling asleep there, with Cocoa and Sammy curled around me, and the guys still working down the hall. For once, I don't dream, I just sleep.