The rest of the story... Diaper Free Doesn't Mean Rushing to the Potty While Baby Poops on Everything

If any of you watched the Today show on NBC this morning, you might have seen an interesting segment on infant potty training, otherwise known as elimination communication. Well, after watching it and listening to the interview, given by a pediatrician to present the opposing view, I just have to weigh in with our experience.

We know it sounds kooky, so we haven't been advertising it, but our baby uses the potty. And she does it pretty consistently. She's been doing it since she was four days old and we love it. It's called Elimination Communication, or EC. This is a picture of her using her little potty with her Daddy's help at 3 weeks old.

What is EC?
Elimination communication is just a fancy way of saying that babies signal their need to relieve themselves from the beginning, and that babies and parents can communicate with each other to respond to this need. In the beginning, they do it the same way they signal everything else, like hunger or discomfort--by crying. When you respond to those needs and talk to your baby about what is happening, your baby learns to communicate with you about it. With feeding, this means that when she cries, I tell Fiona, "It sounds like you're hungry now. Do you want to nurse?" while I'm getting her in position and latching her on. She learned quickly and by 6wks old stopped crying so much when she was hungry and now just makes these adorable "I'm not happy" noises. If we don't understand that she's hungry, then she escalates to crying, and invariably, without fail, if I ask her, "Do you want to nurse?" she stops crying and looks at me expectantly with her mouth wide open.

The same thing applies to the potty. In the beginning she cried when she had a wet or dirty diaper. After we got home from the hospital and had a chance to settle in, though, we started putting her on the potty when she woke up or fussed, and making a cueing sound when she did the deed. She peed in the potty for the first time at 4 days old. Within a couple of days, we were catching most of her pees and poops in the potty, and we realized that she wasn't crying when she had a dirty diaper--she was crying when she needed to use the john and ending up with a dirty diaper because she had no other option.

Over several weeks time, just like with nursing, she has learned she doesn't have to cry when she needs to go, and she's starting to use other signals. She gives little "I'm not happy" noises like a single "Wah!" and stops and looks at us as if to say, "did you hear me?" If we don't understand or try to give her a pacifier or nurse her, she escalates to crying. Then, if we still fail to put her on the potty, she pees or poops and then really cries about it. Sometimes there are other signs, and I don't really know that these are willful signals, but they are useful in letting us know what's going on. For instance, at night she starts squirming in her sleep and grunting like she's uncomfortable. Or, when she's nursing and she's gotta go, she'll pop off repeatedly and stare at me.

So the pediatrician who was on the show was very nice about the subject, but said something that irked me a little. She said it was mostly about parent-training. If you see the baby grunting and you "rush" her to the potty, then manage to catch a poop or a pee "then give mommy the gold star," she said. Her attitude was that it doesn't really work, so as long as your not hurting your baby, keep deluding yourself as much as you like.

I'm thinking she's never really given this a try.

I used to respond to that sort of thinking by saying that parents are also trained to feed their babies when they are hungry by responding to those signals, but Fiona has taught me something even cooler. This communication we have going on is a two-way street. She starts squirming and fussing and I take her and set her on her little baby potty, but often she doesn't pee right away. She waits for the cue. Then she pees. Or if we are out at the mall, and it's so not convenient to find a bathroom, we can go into a dresing room, hold her in position and tell her to go in her diaper, make the cueing sound, and Voila! a poopy diaper ready to change that she didn't have to sit in, and all accomplished in a convenient place for changing (that actually happened when she was three weeks old, btw.) OR, just before we leave the house, I put a fresh T-shirt on her, and set her on the potty. I tell her we're leaving and I want her to try to pee before we go. Even though she hasn't given me any sign of needing to go, I make the sound and a few little dribbles come out. How sweet! She tried even though she didn't need to go! Also, at 6wks old, she had her first completely dry night. She started the night in one diaper, woke me up to potty her every few hours, and never soiled the diaper until the next morning when I missed while making myself breakfast. We've also had a couple of days where we've gone 8 or so hours with the same (clean) diaper. Our dryer broke a couple of weeks ago, and just got fixed yesterday, and that has made a significant improvement in my paying attention, since less diapers means less laundry!

And the best ever was this weekend when we were at church. We nursed before we went in, had a clean diaper, and an awake and happy baby. We're all three sitting there listening to the service and Fiona lets out a single "Wah!" and stops. I jiggle her a little and realize she probably has to pee. I put the pacifier in because I don't want to miss the sermon, and she refuses it. So I start to head out to the mother's room to have her use her diaper, but I think what the heck, we'll have an adventure and keep this diaper clean (less laundry to do while our clothes dryer is broken if it works, right?). So, I say, "just a minute," which is a phrase I've been using consistently anytime she's fussy and has to wait a few seconds before I can take care of what's wrong. We head down to the bathroom, and I leave the diaper bag out on the counter and take her into the stall, take her diaper off, get her in position over the toilet and then give her the cue. Then and only then does she give a huge grunt and pee and poop into the toilet. Wipe, flush, replace diaper and we're done. We head to the mother's room to nurse her to sleep, then back in the sanctuary for the rest of the service. Please note that there was no rushing involved, and there was definite two-way communication involved. And she was 7 weeks old.

All this to say, she's not potty trained or anything, and we do use cloth diapers as a backup. There are times (like in the dead of night) when I just don't have the time or energy to take her to the potty, although I'm quickly learning that if I don't do that, then I'll have to find the time and energy to change a diaper, and they're not a whole lot different. I also want to say that this isn't a parenting competition. So many times people get hung up over the fact that someone is doing something differently from them, and is therefore judging their parenting style. Often EC'd babies are independent with their pottying a little sooner than conventional toilet training, but not always. This isn't about having her potty trained by a certain age. It's really about another opportunity to interact with a person who has very limited abilities to interact with the world around her.

Here's the AP article associated with the segment seen this morning, and a Today show blog with comments where people are discussing the issue. I know this is going to be hotly debated in a few nurses stations in the Baltimore area (Hi, Bayview!) so try to keep an open mind and notice that the "it's impossible" comments are generally from people who have never tried it.

Some EC links:
Diaper Free Baby
Diaper Free Baby's Links Page
MamaRoo-a great explanation with tons of fun links to explore
Yahoo's EC group - Where all the EC'ers get together online. It's a great place to get all sorts of questions answered.
The EC Store - Time to go shopping for tiny undies!

Family Resemblance?

I've noticed a little family resemblance and I finally caught it on camera, so see for yourself if you think Fiona looks like anyone we know =)

(By the way, that's Dan's dad, Bob, holding 2 week old Fiona.)


















And looking back through these photos is already fun--she's growing and changing so fast! So, for another comparison, check out the difference 7 weeks can make:
(That's my mom holding 4day old Fiona and me holding 7week old Fiona)

It's someone else's hair now!

It's someone else's hair now!
Originally uploaded by Toasted Salmon.

It's been a few years since I cut my hair, and it's time again. This time Annelise suggested we have a girlie day at the salon, so we visited Robert Andrew Salon and Spa. Now y'all know we're pinching our pennies with the new baby and job changes and me staying home, etc, but Dan really wanted me to be able to treat myself to a fun hair cut that I didn't have to do myself. Very cool detail about this salon: they do Locks of Love haircuts for free! So, for no charge at all I got a ton of hair chopped off, someone to shampoo and condition my hair, and a cute new cut. It's still got a little length to it, but to me it feels SOOOO very short! Check out our Flickr page for the rest of the photos.


Here are the Before & After shots:

Adventures in YouTube

While Eric was here, he helped us use our video camera, and figure out how to post the videos. This is Dan and Fiona when she was five days old doing their hiccup dance. She's had a habit for several months of getting the hiccups each night, and she's kept that habit up even after her delivery. If you watch closely, at around 25 seconds into the video, she's about to hiccup and she looks at Dan as though to see what he's going to do. It was very adorable, especially to get that little bit of interaction from her so early. She still gets them now, by the way.

Go Hokies!

Fiona Smiles 6wks
Originally uploaded by Toasted Salmon.

Well, I've finally gotten our pictures organized and posted those couple of entries I wrote in the few few weeks. It's taken me a while to figure out how to do the mommy thing and still have a little bit of a life, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. And Fiona's starting to get the hang of routines... sometimes.

At six weeks, she's now routinely smiling when she's awake, and she's very alert. She's starting to be much more interactive and I'm finding that I'm a little more able to read her cues. She cries less and tries to use her voice to get what she wants. When we can't figure it out, or are too busy, that's when she lets us have it with those nicely developed lungs :) Also, her grandma sent a bouncy seat that has toys hanging from it for her to play with this week--and she actually grabs for the toys! Already she's getting better at hitting her mark, and she makes the rattle on it shake around. This may not sound amazing to you, but I'm convinced she's a prodigy :P

Daily life is becoming separated into day and night again. Fiona often sleeps a large portion of the night (except for nursing of course, but we barely have to wake up for that). She and I manage to get out almost every day on some adventure or another. We've been to MOPS, a playgroup down at the beach, the grocery store, Special Beginnings, and the library. We also take walks often and try to spend some time outside when we can. I got a Maya Wrap a week or two ago and I LOVE it! I just snug her up in it and I can get some housework done, or take Cocoa to the beach, or even take a nap if she just wants to be held.

This past weekend the three of us went down to my parents' house for the annual Raiford family reunion. I laughed when I arrived and she was out of my arms before I could get out of the car. There was no lack of love in that place and she slept almost the whole time, even though she was getting jostled and passed around.

We had our first bout with diaper rash this week, and my solution was to keep her nakey-butt, which worked well. The rash was red and angry and spreading yesterday morning, and is completely gone now. Thank goodness for EC--we only went through a couple of diapers and a couple of towels that I kept underneath her throughout the day and the night to catch any messes.

As you can see, we're raising the next generation of Hokies, and she cheered when VT won the game today. Check out the Flickr page for a ton of new photos, and all who have sent us well wishes, please forgive me for not emailing you back for the last several weeks... you can expect one soon if I can continue to make the most of her naps!

Fiona's Second Week

One fun part of Fiona's homecoming was that Dan's bachelor brother Eric has been living with us these couple of weeks while he is between work and returning to school. I had wondered how we would all mesh with the stress of a new baby and no sleep and trying to establish nursing. Eric, though, has been wonderful to have around. In Fiona's second week, when everyone else had gone home and Dan had returned to work, and I was faced with my first days on my own with her, I woke up to a clean house, thanks to Eric. In the evenings we had someone to hang out with and ooh and ahh over the baby with. When I was covered with spit up, and Dan was out of earshot, Eric was there to hand me a wipe. And, of course, there's the adorable professional quality photos we got out of him. I'm going to be sorry to see him leave for New Hampshire this week.

During her second week, Fiona and I made our first solo outing to visit her Aunt Annelise and Naomi and Quinn on their first day back from Uganda! We successfully ran a couple of errands, visited with them and got home without too much drama. Naomi adored getting to hold Fiona, as did many of our friends that week as we ate dinner out on a few nights. The prep time for leaving the house the first time was like 4 hours, but it cut quickly to more like an hour and a half. That included getting us both showered and dressed and keeping her clean, fed an happy the whole time. There's a bit of a learning curve on that process, but we made it out for two dinner parties and ended the week at the beach again when Dan's dad came to visit for the weekend. Jordan and Jessie had a blast fighting over the baby, and they treated us to some home cooked meals before they left.

Fiona's second week check up was another impressive visit. This time she weighed 10 lbs 10oz and was 21 inches long--that's 95th percentile for weight! She also projectile vomited on the pediatrician :P and was pronounced perfect again. She's a happy growing baby!

Fiona's First Week

The first couple of days while we were in the hospital were a big blur of people coming in to check us at all hours, and nursing and trying to sleep. I wanted so badly just to get out and go home. Dan helped me out of bed that first night, and I was able to get a shower the next day, which made me feel a little bit like a person again. Some of our friends came to visit, as did Dan's brother, and my parents were there most of the time, too. Having this new baby to take care of was really surreal, though. It sounds odd to say, but I didn't recognize her when she came out. I don't know quite what I was expecting, maybe something out of my own baby pictures, but not this thick dark hair... I felt like that a little bit until we got home and looked in Dan's baby book. It looked to both of us like someone had taken a picture of Fiona and put it in there! That was really neat, to know who she looks like and to have a little Dan in my arms :)

So, we headed home Friday around noon, with Dan driving and my mom up front and me in the back seat with the baby. My mom stayed with us through the weekend and got us through a couple of mini-dramas, including our first trip to the beach with her on Saturday, and getting her blood drawn to follow her jaundice level. She was absolutely amazing, and we would have been floundering without her! She cleaned up, ran loads upon loads of laundry, and cooked for us the whole time. She doted on us and doted on the baby and generally enjoyed being a new grandmother. I'm usually very independent and didn't expect to be so upset to see my mom go.

Dan took the whole week off following her birth, and we got to enjoy a visit from his mom and Jim for a couple of days in the beginning of the week. It's so exciting to see all these new grandparents taking on their new roles! We were pampered with a delicious meal while they were here. On Thursday we went to her one week check up. The pediatrician pronounced her perfect, and she weighed exactly 9lbs 14oz, back up to her birth weight already!

Fiona's Birth

And now for the long version...

Like I said in my last post, I was awakened in the middle of the night, early on August 14th, with contractions that were strong and regular, but not that frequent. They built in intensity and frequency slowly throughout the day. Slowly enough that I called my mom before she left for work in the morning to let her know she could now begin to get excited (every other time something would happen, I would call and tell her, "Don't get excited, but...") and that we would call her when it was time to head up to our house. At little before lunch we went to the grocery store, but nothing was appealing there, and it was a bit uncomfortable to be walking through the meat department and have to lean over the steaks and ground beef and breathe through a contraction. So, we went out to Macaroni Grill and had delicious pasta while we wrote down the times of the contractions on the paper table cloth. It was fun to do that because I was convinced they were going to go away despite how strong they were. I kept saying to Dan that they were too far apart and this wasn't labor and he would just laugh and tell me how often they were coming. At this point they had been about every 5-7 minutes for over 6 hours...not active labor, but no sign of slowing down, either.

When we got home, we took a walk on the beach, and that's when we really started getting down to business. It's a two block walk from our house to the little community beach that opens out onto the bay. It took a while to get down there, and even longer to get back. We took Cocoa, and Dan started timing the contractions consistently. Dan would throw Cocoa's toy in the water, and every four minutes come back and sit with me through a contraction. I sat on a park bench for a while and tried to carry on polite conversations with a couple of dog owners who were very sympathetic. We walked down to the end of our little beach and by that time I was starting to moan through some of them. Dan started to rate the contractions as well as time them, to see if they were getting generally stronger. What can I say? We're both nerdy that way, and it was encouraging to look back over his little scrap of paper and note that the contractions had gone from a 2 to a 4 in the past hour, and had averaged 3.5 minutes apart. Halfway down the beach I said goodbye to the last of my lunch, which I tried to catch in a little doggie bag. It didn't fit :(

We made our way slowly back home and they were getting strong enough that I felt a little panicky during some of them. I had to really start concentrating on relaxing my body through the contractions, and consciously felt the different muscles in my body working and then relaxing. When we got home, I wanted to try something to distract me, so we set the birthing ball up in front of the computer so I could do some emailing. It felt HORRIBLE. I couldn't handle the pain sitting down like that. Dan propped me up on my hands and knees on the couch with tons of pillows under my belly and chest to support me, and that was manageable. At this point, as it was getting dark, Dan had to support me through each contraction, sometimes holding my hands, sometimes rubbing my back and giving counterpressure. When I changed positions, he sat behind me to hold me up or stood in front of me and let me lean on him. I talked about what I was doing mentally that was helping me cope with the contractions, like focusing on feeling the contraction start, build, peak, relax, and then fade away, and Dan totally came through by talking me through them. I would be moaning and feel my voice getting higher with the pain and Dan would moan with a low voice and bring me back down. Every contraction he was there, talking me through it, speaking to my whole body, helping me relax into each contraction. At some point during all of this, Dan's brother Eric arrived, and was moving his things in. I really don't remember much of that, though, and I don't think he stuck around for long.

Sometime late in the evening, I felt like I was finally able to say that this was labor. I continued to eat and drink, but was also vomiting. The contractions had been consistent and also frequent for a few hours, and they were certainly painful enough, so I had Dan check me just to see if we had made any progress. Still 3cm, but I wasn't discouraged because I had thought all along this was going to take a good 24 hours at least. I thought, ok, so it will be tomorrow afternoon before we have a baby, probably. I moved to the shower at Dan's suggestion, to see if that would give me some relief, and IT WAS AMAZING! I was so thankful for our new bathroom. The warm water came out of this semi-rainshower showerhead. It covered my back, and I leaned over the stool we have in the shower and it ran around my belly and the pain all but went away. I was still having the contractions every 3-4 minutes, but I didn't even have to concentrate to deal with them. I LOVED the shower. I even shaved my legs! I was afraid of using all the hot water, though, and not having any for the tub, which I thought I might want later when I got tired. I went ahead and filled the tub with what was left of the hot water, and Dan got our huge crab pots out and started to boil water to help keep the tub filled with warm water through the night. The tub was not so magic as the shower, though, and you can't exactly boil water for the shower. So, when the water started to cool, I got out, and went back to working on the contractions.

My memories start to get fuzzy here. I went back and forth to the big room and sat on the edge of the couch, or got on hands and knees, tried the same thing on the bed, and generally was just uncomfortable in any position. At some point I realized I'd been up for 24 hours, and thought how weird it was that time just kept passing while I was having these contractions. At some point Dan checked me again and said I was 3.5 cm--that was a little discouraging, because I was working hard and they were every 2-3 minutes all night. Later he had me get back in the tub, which seemed to help, enough that I didn't get back out this time. He kept bringing in more warm water as it cooled, and I kept moaning through the contractions. He didn't have to help me as much when I was in the tub, but faithfully brought me juice with ice and sips of honey to keep me going since I couldn't keep any food down. I couldn't seem to find a good position and kept going from my hands and knees to sitting. At some point he checked me and said I was 4cm. Ok, that was something. Not much, but something at least. He was also amazed because the cervix was much easier to reach that time, which was a good sign, and it was easy to feel the forebag of waters and the baby's head. So, I was encouraged that maybe we were going to start seeing some progress. I was just in this haze of contraction and rest, contraction and rest, but I thought I can do this if it's working.

Sometime around 5am, though, I started to feel the urge to push. I was positive that it wasn't time to push, and a little worried about this. Dan was napping on the floor between contractions and waking up to help me when I needed it, and after a several of these really strong urges to push came and I was unable to keep from pushing, I had him page the midwife on call. It hadn't been long since he had said I was 4cm. JoAnne listened to me push through one contraction and said we should come on in to the birth center. Before I got out of the tub, though, in one huge contraction that made me push so hard, I felt a POP! and my water broke explosively. Quick check of the doptones was great, fluid was clear, and we kept going. Dan packed up a few things while I got myself out of the tub and dressed, and we made the ten minute trip with a little more speed than I would have liked. By this time I was really pushing and almost roaring with each contraction. I think this made Dan a little nervous because he was speeding a little on the way and I was yelling at him to slow down because this baby wasn't gonna fall out when I was four centimeters! Poor guy. It was the first time I yelled at him all night, though :)

I called my mom to tell her what we were doing and had to give the phone to Dan because I had a contraction almost as soon as she picked up. They made arrangements to be picked up by our friends Ray and Kathryn from the airport, and they arrived at the birth center an hour or two after us. My sense of time at the birth center is really out of whack. When we got there and got settled in, Tammy checked me and I was 5/100/0, which was really encouraging to me. Five centimeters dilated, so halfway there, and 100% effaced, which meant my cervix wasn't swelling yet from this pushing. So, we worked on positions. Usually this early urge to push is from the baby being positioned backwards in the pelvis, or OP (occiput posterior). Amid my roaring and pushing through the contractions, Dan and the midwives, David and Tammy turned me in order to try to turn the baby. We tried hands and knees for a while, we tried lunges for just a little bit, we turned me on my left side with my leg supported so that I was almost laying on my belly I was so far over. Eventually, but before my parents got there, I was checked again, and I was 7cm, still 100% effaced. No swelling, despite all that pushing. I was so encouraged. It was the first time that I thought, "Wow, this child might actually come out of me here in this room. I'm really going to do this!" Dan and I were both elated and we moved me to the tub to see if I could get a little more control over these contractions and try not to push.

The contractions, though, got stronger still. They changed. They became this force that I could not reckon with. I just held onto Dan, staring straight into his eyes through each one. At some point my parents came in and said hello, even my Dad, poor guy! I tried to breathe through each contraction. I would feel it rising in me, and would relax my legs, my belly, my shoulders, ride it up, and feel it wash over me, but then it would take over and I would let out this ROAR and bear down like she was coming out any second. I would try panting through it, long slow breaths through it, no matter what, it would take over every time. Another while longer and we checked again. Still 7cm, and now a little swelling on the top of the cervix.

There was no way I was going to dilate fully and be able to push the baby out if I couldn't stop pushing too early, so we decided to go with some IV medication to give me some rest and my best shot at doing this at the birth center. I already had an IV in place for my antibiotics and hydration, so I got out of the tub and into bed, laying on my left side, and got Stadol, a shot in the muscle and in my IV, with some phenergan, both of which will make you sleepy. The hope was that I would be so sleepy that I wouldn't feel the urge to push during my contractions. I did get some rest, but not enough. I fell deeply asleep between the contractions, woke up to push uncontrollably with each one, and feel asleep again immediately after. And the whole time Dan was laying there beside me, holding my hands through the contractions, and sleeping between them with me. An hour or so later, my cervix had swollen so much that I was back to 4cm. The only option left was to transfer to the hospital for an epidural and possible c-section. This had been my fear when we first paged JoAnn early in the morning, so I wasn't surprised, only disappointed.

I got dressed with lots of help, and my dad drove us in our van. I remember his huge hands helping me into the van, thinking how odd this picture was. I never expected my daddy to be there in my labor, since it's such a womanly place and he's such a... manly man. At any rate, it was immensely reassuring to have him there. I was pushing all the way to the hospital (another ten minute ride), and when we got to the (very full) parking garage, there was a bit of comic relief as my dad asked the attendant in his slow southern drawl where he should park for labor and delivery. Just about the same time another contraction rolled through my body and I let out another gigantic roar and pushed with all I had. I guess that poor lady thought I might deliver that baby in the van, so she moved some cones from around the very first spot by the entrance, and there we parked.

My daddy pushed me in a wheelchair up to the labor and delivery unit, and straight to a room they had ready for me while Dan did the paperwork at the front desk. By this time, I was feeling much more lucid, and also was feeling the frustration of having decided to get an epidural and still having to push through each contraction. I got myself changed and was getting on the monitor before my nurse could get in the room. I was ready. Let's do this. Knowing it would be a while before the labwork came back and I could get my epidural, I got another dose of stadol, which did let me nap between the contractions again, but again did nothing to stop the pushing. I finally got relief from the pushing when I got my epidural. That was around 2pm on the 15th. I slept. Dan slept. My daddy said, "The exorcism is complete." Evidently I didn't quite sound like me while roaring through my pushes :)

I had the option of just having a c-section right away when we got there, but I really wanted to give myself every opportunity to do this if I could, so we waited a couple of hours after getting the epidural to see if the swelling would go down and my cervix would dilate. I didn't need any pitocin, since I was contracting every 2-3 minutes on my own. After a couple of hours, David checked me and said I was 5cm, but still very swollen, and so that was that. We called the section, and boy was that a new experience for me. Normally there's a lot to do when that decision is made. Care maps to stamp up, a patient to shave, don't forget the TEDs and SCDs, get OR scrubs for the dad, make sure you have all your baby stuff ready... this time I just laid there. It was all done to me. No papers. Someone else to prep me. I just laid there. By then I'd had a nap, and wasn't feeling a bit of pain, so I was feeling a bit cheeky and was bantering with everyone and trying to help out where I could. Right before we left the room, the baby had a decel--the first and only one ever traced, but I was the first one to hear it, and it freaked me out a little. I couldn't see the strip, but I heard her heartrate drop and I tried to turn to my left. Of course, I couldn't feel ANYTHING below my belly button, so nothing happened. "I need to turn over now!" I'm yelling to my mom and Dan, and they've heard it, too, by now. We turn me first one direction (it's still in the 80's), then the other (still in the 80's), I reach back and open up my IV fluids, and am breathing as deeply as I can when my nurse walks in with the surgeon, anesthesia and my midwife, and the heartrate is back up. They all laugh at the baby for doing that right before we're going to cut anyway, and at me for trying to fix it myself.

Being in the OR was so different than I had imagined. I've never wanted to be the one on that table, always imagined it would feel very traumatic if it ever happened. But, I lived in that OR for two and half years. That very OR is where I learned to circulate and that anesthesiologist was the one (out of all I've ever worked with) whom I would have requested if I could have. I've known the surgeons for years, and have spent many nights sitting up with them talking about everything in life. The nurses were my coworkers and friends. I was very grateful to have such a home court advantage when it came to such a disappointing turn of events for me. Even better was the NICU staff--people I didn't really know at all, who went out of their way to make sure that I wasn't separated from the baby for longer than was absolutely necessary due to short staffing.

During the surgery, there was a mirror for me to be able to watch what was happening on the other side of the curtain. Poor Dan didn't want to look, but when it came time for Fiona to make her appearance, he couldn't help himself, so he ended up watching in the mirror with me. (He could have just stood up.) This was another piece for which I was so very grateful. Being anesthetized from the chest down, I really would have had no concept of when she was born, or that the baby being handed to me came from my own body, which is very disconcerting. The difference for me was watching the entire procedure in the mirror, and talking to the colleagues I'm seeing while it's happening. That made it real and connected for me. I saw them get to the uterus, and heard them exclaim how you could see her lips and nose sticking up, and then had one of them stick his head over the curtain to talk to me... And THEN! ~5:52pm on August 15th~ Then she was out! All gi-normous 9lbs and 14oz of her was out of me, and the relief I felt in my body! It was crazy. Even as anesthetized as I was, when they pulled her out, I felt empty and small again. She was huge!!! and so cute!! And she cried right away, while she was still on the table. The pictures on flickr that show her at birth are courtesy of David. He stayed with us through the whole process, making sure that Dan got all the pictures he should and taking pictures when he couldn't. I am so thankful for so many things that happened to make her delivery an overall positive experience, and David is a big reason for that.

So, they brought the baby to me, I got to touch her and kiss her and say hello before she and Dan went off the NICU for her to get her weights and measures. This hospital doesn't have a nursery (all babies room in with mom), but that means that when L&D is short staffed, babies sometimes go to the NICU while mom is in recovery. There wasn't anything wrong with her, and she came back in about 20 minutes due to the diligence and willingness of the NICU nurses to go out of their way to reunite us. She and Dan met me back in the recovery room, and when my hour was up, the three of us headed to our postpartum room upstairs. That was Wednesday, and we stayed there until about noon on Friday, when we finally headed home. She got a bath in our room, we went with her to get her blood drawn and get her weighed at night. She stayed with us the whole time, has never been out of our sight, and we're completely in love.

It's a little funny because each of us has fallen in love with this new third person in our life. On separate occasions, Dan has uttered some endearment, and I've responded, only to realize he was talking to Fiona. And later, I asked for a kiss and headed for the baby's cheek only to have a misplaced kiss from Dan land somewhere near my eyebrow. Oops! But those little adventures are for another post...

She has arrived! 41wks 4days

Babyborn
Originally uploaded by Toasted Salmon.

Becky will probably blog in more detail but I wanted to get this info out there for her now while she rests. At 5:52pm August 15, 2007 our baby (Miss Fiona Raiford Kee) was born. Because of a lengthy and complicated labor she could not be born in the traditional manner. Instead she was born by C-section--the doctor's hands shown were all trusted colleagues of Becky's from her time at AAMC. Everything went quite well once we decided that we had to section. Fiona is healthy as a horse and is nursing like a pro. She is 9lbs and 14oz and has a full and thick head of hair. Becky and I are absolutely thrilled. There are more pictures of the baby on our flicker account, click the picture to go there and view them, or click here. All is well here--time to get some sleep after 40hrs of labor for Becky and 36 hours without rest for me. Goodnight--more info to come later.

Hmmm... Am I in labor? 41wks 3days

So, here I sit at a little after 5am, writing this post, but with no intention of posting this yet. See, I think I'm in labor, or at least headed that way, but I don't want to get everyone excited until I know for sure. I've seen this start and stop so many times with other people. And you've read on this blog about my little spurts of contractions. But these feel different.

They started a couple of hours ago, about 10-20 minutes apart, and I kept dozing between them. They got closer together, like 5-7 minutes apart, and strong. This is not the same feeling I've had before. And believe me, I've been doing things here and there to encourage labor. I've had contractions. They have not felt like this. These are strong. I can see why it would be frightening, and so difficult to go through without any drugs or preparation. If I hadn't already been living and breathing birth for the past 7 years, I would feel these contractions, get my butt to the hospital and demand, "Where's my epidural??" And this is only the beginning--as prepared as I feel in some ways, I honestly have no idea what I'm about to go through.

What I do know is that God knows. I know that my body was designed by Him, to do this job, fearfully and wonderfully made, known to Him before the beginning of time. I know that in this fallen world, where things do go wrong, He is in control, and I don't have to fear those things--He's there in the midst of them. Jesus tells us that the scriptures are specifically applicable to our lives--God's word written to me, even the old "outdated" stuff. Do you want to know some of the things he's been telling me? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," (2 Corinthians 12:9); "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me," (Exodus 20:2); "Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery? says the Lord. Do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery? says your God...I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream." (Isaiah 66:9,12) I have a notebook filling quickly of verses and passages, and thoughts on how God wants to change my heart through this. I am thankful, so thankful, that the word of God is "living and active, sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)

And so, I'm not posting this yet, because I don't know if I'm in labor, but these are the things going through my head and my heart and I can't wait to start baking a cake for this little girl. When you do read this, you can know that even though it will be just a little while longer, we are definitely on our way. (As though we haven't been on our way the whole time, on our meandering little path through life, just waiting to see what's around the next bend!)

She should be here by Christmas! 41wks 2days

We had a fun weekend when Dan's mom came up to visit. It's always good to have people around to take my mind off of the waiting. She did something to make it fun, though--she brought her pastels and easel, and I got to paint for the first time! It was actually a bit exhilarating to have this huge paper in front of me on the easel and all these colors to play with. Pastels seem like a unique medium to me since you can put any color on the paper and it shows up, a bit like crayons only way more grown up :) And then, you can paint over one color with another. And then, you can play with the texture of it by smudging with your fingers! I didn't really start with anything in mind to paint, and I ended up with a scene that looks rather kindergartenish in parts, and very full with some decent depth to it in other parts. There is a definite gestating theme going on, as the bottom part looks very much like a seed in the ground, all hidden and waiting to sprout=) I also got hot meals cooked for me and a new paint job on my toenails, courtesy of the grandma-to-be, and I feel quite pampered as I begin my week. Of course, then Eric came over and the three of us sat around the new bathroom soaking our feet in the spa tub and catching up--it's a luxurious life I lead these days!

Today we had a visit at the birth center for an NST (which was reactive--she gets an A+) and then we got a sonogram to check her fluid levels (AFI was 14--also perfect), and I got a little membrane stripping action going on when the midwife checked me. And guess what... I'm THREE centimeters, now! Yea! I've been having some contractions off and on today, and I'm taking some more labor tincture to see if that will encourage anything. We'll keep you updated if anything starts!

I do want to thank all of you (there are so many!) who are reading these posts and praying for us and sending us little notes. We both really appreciate hearing from everyone, and knowing that you're thinking of us. It's very humbling to hear from everyone and know that many people care about what's going on in our little world. So, thanks y'all!

How many earths does it take to make you happy?

So, this is the sort of thing I find while goofing off on the computer: Take the EarthDay Footprint Quiz... If everyone lived like me, we'd need 3.7 planets! Pretty sad, huh?

I'm this many! 40wks 4days

We had another prenatal appointment today, and everything is still going well. My blood pressure was a touch on the high side, but nothing to worry about. (And it was back to normal when I got home) On the other hand, I asked the midwife to check my cervix, and guess what!! I'm 2 centimeters! (2/75/-1 to be exact) This is very exciting for me because I haven't really had much in the way of contractions, except for Monday, and prior to that, my cervix was long, thick, and closed. So, while the rest of the world is probably out there wondering when the heck this baby is going to be born, I am utterly excited that my body has managed to dilate an entire two centimeters!

Emotionally, I was already feeling more positive today, and had a good long quiet time this morning that was very recharging and refreshing. I've been taking it easy the last couple of days, playing with the furniture arrangements in our bedroom and napping in the afternoons. I went grocery shopping today and while I was there I got a cake mix, some pink icing and a number "0" birthday candle. The books say you need a labor project, you know =) Dan's been working, but the projects he's working on are local, and he's been able to do a lot of work from home. This means our backyard is filled with sawdust, and I actually get to see my husband anytime I want to brave the heat and go out there. I've got to admit, I mostly just look out the window. Have you been out there? It's freaking hot!

Dan's getting more and more excited about our impending arrival and says that she is just perfect, and she's taking advantage of being a baby for as long as possible. I think Dan and the baby are both cute! He also says she's just like her mama, who, when the alarm sounds in the morning, rolls over and whines, "Just one more minute..."

Sweet times - 40wks 2days

Yesterday was an amazing sabbath for me. Church was full of my favorite worship songs and people stopping us to pray for our baby and wish us well as we bring her into the world. Our close friends were all around us, the sermon was uplifting, the communion sweet, and the praise felt like a gift from me to God, the way it should be. I'm so full of hope that I might be able to bring our little girl with us next week--outside of my body! I've felt very let down the last week or so to not have already given birth, and yesterday was full of God bringing me back to the point of trusting Him. I really needed a swift kick in the pants in this regard, and I feel duly reminded :) The bottom line is that the Maker of this universe is more than able for largest catastrophe that can hit my little life. More than that, He has promised that He actually cares what happens in my life. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 remains one of my favorites. How easy it is to forget that God is in control and actually has a plan that He is executing in this world...

Dan surprised me with a fun date for the afternoon. We went out to lunch at Chevy's, which always seems to be the best place for us to connect. Something about sitting in the booth devouring chips and salsa seems to make the conversation flow. He's so excited for this little girl to arrive, and it thrills me to see how his emotions unfold through all of this. Trust comes so much easier for him, it sometimes seems, and he was very encouraging. I joke that I'm not really pregnant, just bloated and PMSing, and he grins at me and talks about what it will be like "in just a few days" to have this tiny little new person in our lives. We went shopping after lunch and picked out a couple of books for her, and talked about what it will be like to be reading bedtime stories.

Later, we got a surprise visit from Eric and Chris G., and a little impromptu jam session as they had just returned from a traditional music festival in West Virginia. It sounded like tons of fun, and I can't wait to try it out next year. The rest of the evening we spent relaxing at home on the couch together. One of the cool things about being married to someone you grew up with is that reminiscent conversations can go on for hours and you remember things together from as far back as the Gingerbread house. We talked about classmates from elementary school, and the awkwardness of middle school and high school when it came to the opposite sex, and who we wanted to "go with." Back then, you didn't date. You went together. Anyway, it's fun to look back on those crushes and remember what our relationship was like all those years ago.

So, today I'm still high from my day of rest and I'm getting the guest room ready for guests, since it's going to be busy for the next month or so. Eric has requested a niece for his birthday present (he and Pat turn 29 tomorrow!) so I'm going to head to bed and see what I can do about that =)

G'night!

D-Day - 40wks 0days

Today was Baby Kee's official due date, but she didn't seem to notice. Her daddy finally FINISHED THE BATHROOM today!!! And her mama was very excited about it. So excited, in fact, that we just sat in the bathroom talking for a long while before heading to bed. Eventually, we looked at each other and asked, why are we sitting in the bathroom?

It was a long and satisfying day--I got up a little after six and it was cool enough outside that I could no longer stand to look at the jungle that has become our front yard. We have some very neat plants out there, but who could tell through all the weeds? I clipped the flower stalks off of the lamb's ears, which have spread nicely to cover most of the front of the house, and pulled up two large yard bags full of weeds, some of them as tall as young trees. We haven't had rain but once in almost two months now, and it seems like everything that I want to grow has sat still, not dying, but not growing. The grass and weeds in the flower beds, though, have taken off and thrived. I shouldn't say everything. I do have a lot of drought tolerant plants, and my succulents are blooming beautifully. My main gardening philosophy is if it needs babying, it doesn't grow in my yard. I tend to just plant things and let them go, and I am impressed that I haven't lost any of my little green babies in this hot dry spell. My front yard is full of fun herbs like lavender, rosemary, sage, chives, thyme, mint, fennel, lemon verbena, evening primrose, and lemon balm, and none of them seem to mind growing in these conditions. My favorite plant this year has been a very aggressively growing butterfly bush right outside the front window that has become a lunch buffet to bazillions of butterflies this summer. Sammy Cat loves it, too! She sits in the window and watches and paws at them, and then she gets smart and goes outside to paw at them, and they leave for a bit. Luckily, she hasn't had much success hunting them.

So, several hours in the morning spent bending over and squatting amounted to a very sore me, so I got a shower and laid down this afternoon for what Bahari calls a "body crash." A little before 5pm, I woke up and my bathroom had been transformed by the last bits of paint touch up into a finished work of art. Pictures will come tomorrow, I promise!

Dan took me out for dinner to celebrate--and there's so much we have to celebrate! His new business is actually providing for us, my new job lets me stay home, the bathroom is DONE (minus some decorative touches that I still have to decide on), and this baby is going to be here any day now! I can't tell you how blessed we feel right now. How amazingly cared for and blessed... and all I can do is sit here and sigh and thank God for it all.

Make a new plan, Stan - 39wks 4days

We went to the birth center one more time this morning for another NST and blood draw. When we walked in, I was the current topic of discussion. You see, it's unusual to have your water break and then reseal, which is what we think happened. But really no one knows how unusual it is because in most cases women are induced if their labor doesn't start within the first day. In my case, though, I stopped leaking after two days. And, ever since then, every test we've had has been normal. No evidence of continued leaking, no evidence of infection, and the baby shows every sign of being healthy and happy right where she is. And, no reason to induce. So, we all decided that today will be my last day of testing, and I'll go back next Wednesday for my next prenatal appointment. I'm officially just pregnant again, and my due date is this Saturday, and it's normal to go as much as two weeks past your due date. I'm happy to not have to keep getting my blood drawn, and that I'm not really facing the risks of infection that I would be if I was still leaking, but I'm a little bummed that I'm "just pregnant" again :)

So, today, I'm rearranging furniture, catching up on thank-you notes, and cooking for my man. And still contracting a little, but nothing to write home about. Stay tuned and we'll let you know when the excitement starts (again)!

Lazy day with some regular contractions - 39wks 3days

Spent today reading some books from the library. Finished two, and am working on the third, but I feel extraordinarily lazy for it :)

I have been contracting irregularly all day, though, while I read. Sometimes every 15 minutes, usually every 30. Then, this evening, they got to be every 2 minutes for a couple of hours. But, of course, they're slowing down again. It's encouraging when I have contractions like this, though. At least my body's warming up to do what it needs to do.

Enough pot-watching. I'm off to bed... I'm sleepy-tired :)

Another day of waiting - 39wks 2days

Well, I had a lovely and distracting visit from my family, which has done wonders for my impatience. We went out to Red, Hot, and Blue for lunch before they headed back home this afternoon. I was definitely sad to see them go. It's always a party when the girls come to see me and this has been no exception. I basically got to forget about how I'm going crazy waiting for a baby to come out, and instead we went shopping, ate ice cream, and took pictures of Kaylee and Dan dancing.

Later this afternoon I went to the birth center again and got to visit with Laurel, the nurse who oriented me when I worked there. She's so sympathetic, but also spent a good deal of time laughing at my predicament, especially when I told her we had let everyone know that my water broke. We just don't handle it the same way at Special Beginnings, which means that very rarely, you get someone in my situation. All excited and ready and then... hurry up and wait.

At any rate, the baby showed off again on her NST--I've never seen a more beautiful and textbook-perfect strip. Laurel drew my blood again, and we looked over my previous results. My cultures were negative (which means no GBS--yea!) and everything has been exactly what it should be. David (one of the midwives) stopped in to see me while I was on the monitor, and his impression at this point is that my bag of waters had a leak, but has most likely sealed over. I'm basically back to being a 39wk primip, except that I still get monitored and blood drawn just in case.

On the labor front, no real contractions today. Here's hoping it happens soon anyway...

Grandma comes to visit - 39wks 1day

Very mild, occasional contractions are all I've felt since yesterday afternoon, so we're just hanging out and enjoying a visit from my mom, my Aunt Sue, and my cousin Meg with her daughter Kaylee. Church this morning was wonderful with so many people wishing us well an praying for us. Sue and Meg had made us a big Sunday dinner that included squash, corn, and tomatoes from the garden, and then we went out to do a little shopping.

And now, here's a little something from Kaylee:
n' uvbbb iu u \\\\ \\\ \]]] ]]]]]]]]]]]]]
/ /v '// G


On that note, I'll get back to visiting :)

Practice Makes Perfect - 39wks 0days

I got a lot of practice this morning, but it turns out it was just that--practice. The contractions spaced out over the next several hours and then went away completely for a while. This is just how it goes for a first time mom. My body has to figure things out and it takes a while. Patience may be a virtue, but it's not one that I possess in great quantities, so this has definitely been emotionally trying for me. Dan is staying upbeat, and is encouraged that every day I contract more and more. Patience is something he's never had in small supply. Some days I think the man is nearly a saint. Until he leaves his dirty socks balled up on the couch, that is. :)

Went to the birth center and saw Jessica today. One of my favorite midwives, she's moving to England very soon, so it's been really fun to be going through all this with her still here. She's a really neat person, and I remember the first time I met her when I was an L&D nurse at the hospital here in Annapolis. We got on the subject of home birth, and I found out she'd had her first baby at home in New Hampshire. At the time, I hadn't met anyone who had actually done that, even though I'd read tons of literature on how safe it is and how many people are now choosing that option. She's also a knitter, and I'm going to miss late nights at the birth center poring over knitting projects while someone's in labor.

Anyway, so, at the birth center, I got another NST (the baby is beautifully reactive and healthy), and some more blood drawn. So far, everything looks great. No signs of infection, and I finished my 3 days of antibiotics this afternoon. I still have my IV in (optimistically) in the hopes that I go into labor soon. I'll be treated with antibiotics in labor, so I haven't taken out the IV in the hopes that labor happens in the next couple of days.

Here's hoping my body keeps practicing, and that practice makes perfect very soon!

Still contracting! 39 wks 0days!

So, here's something interesting...I managed to sleep a few hours, but by 6am, I can no longer stay in the bed. The contractions are just too hard to deal with lying down. Coming about every 3-5 minutes, and still not really really strong, but they are definitely there, and have been for a couple of hours. Let's just hope they stay there!

Fine print: First babies take forever, so you're all only allowed to get a tiny bit excited. These contractions could still go away, or they could stay and it could still be a couple of days... The fun part is just patiently waiting =)

We're going for a walk, now, which makes me and Cocoa happy. Poor Dan--I hope he got some sleep the other night!

More contractions, but not quite labor... 38 wks 6 days

Went to the birth center and saw JoAnn again today. Got my antibiotics refilled, and got an exam to see if I'm still leaking fluid. Good news is that I'm not, which decreases the worry for infection. We're still going to monitor things with blood draws and NSTs periodically, but no one is anxious to induce me or anything like that.

Meanwhile back at home, I had an adventurous evening of contractions. Some nice and strong, some pretty darn mild, and no regular pattern that stays with me more than an hour or so, but it seems like each day my body does a little more of this start and stop contracting. As Pat says, we're taking a meandering path to birth. Which is just fine since my cervix appeared to still be long and not very dilated on that exam this afternoon. It's going to take a lot of these contractions to soften it up and get it to dilate. So, right now, I'm typing standing up, because it's easier to deal with the contractions in that position. They've been every two minutes for the past couple of hours, but they're starting to slow down now. I'm going to try heading to bed--it is pretty late, and poor Dan and Cocoa are already snoozing.

First, though, a song that keeps playing through my mind. Emotionally, I'm so very up and down. It's so exciting that we're this close, and so disconcerting that we still don't know how close we are. There's a song by Mercy Me that I keep humming and thinking, and it's funny because this is one of those few times when any of us would actually wish for the pain to start. I didn't like this song at first because when I was thinking of rain, I was thinking of tragedy, but it turns out that really, I have an opportunity to praise Him even in the middle of this waiting game. And maybe the pain of just plain old labor is enough without imagining "tragedies." Anyway, here are the lyrics (and you can youtube it to hear the song, I'm sure)--


Bring The Rain
by MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

everybody singing
Holy holy holy
you are holy
you are holy

A good night's sleep 38wks 6days

I slept for 12 hours!!! I haven't done that in months and it felt glorious. I have a feeling I won't do it again for years and years, so I'm really basking in the luxury of the moment. A few strong contractions overnight, though, was all that I had labor wise. The bathroom is coming along nicely, though, and Dan is putting the tub surround up today!

I'm still on the antibiotics, but I haven't been leaking any fluid in the last day, so when I go in to the birth center today, I'll get checked to see what's happening, and a culture to make sure I'm GBS-. As long as things stay fine (no fevers, infections, etc) we'll just keep waiting for my body to do this in its own time.

A little labor tease 38wks 5days

Today I was encouraged a little when I started to get some good contractions. I mean really good. Like, huffing and puffing and holding on tight to the counters kind of contractions. They were every 2-3 minutes and getting stronger and stronger for almost an hour, and then...poof! Gone again. Oh well :)

We went to the birth center this afternoon where I got my blood drawn, antibiotics refilled, and an NST (where you watch the baby's heartrate on the monitor) and everything looked great. The baby was beautifully reactive on the monitor, and everyone was full of well wishes at the birth center. Jess, one of the midwives, was very encouraging, telling me to be patient. Everyone's been full of stories of women who's water was broken for days and days before they went on to deliver normally. It's a very positive envionment.

So, I'm sitting here with my antibiotic hanging from a nail on the wall, and as soon as it's finished we're heading to Home Depot for more stuff to finish the bathroom. It's coming along nicely, by the way :) Maybe I'll post some pictures tonight. Stay tuned...

Wishin' and Hopin' 38wks 5days

Good Morning!

Baby Kee has established that she is very happy right where she is. So, we're just waiting... Continuing with the antibiotics, some labor stimulating techniques at home, and nesting away :) We'll take another trip to the birth center this afternoon to refill on those antibiotics, and at this rate, Dan might actually be able to finish the bathroom touch ups before the baby gets here!

A fun day, but no labor yet... 38wks 4days

So, it's been a long day, since I didn't get a whole lot of sleep after my last post. We got up this morning to loads of well wishes. Thank you all so much for praying for us and thinking about us--we really appreciate it.

On the labor front, there's not a lot happening. A few strong contractions here and there, and lots of mild ones here and there, and that's about it. We had lunch with Eric (mmmm... Indian food!), and did a little shopping. We got our car seat installed (Thanks everyone that gave us that!) and are playing house with all the baby stuff we've gotten lately :) We're doing a few things to encourage labor to start, but are still trying to stay relaxed about the whole thing. We took a trip to the birth center for a an IV and some antibiotics to prevent infection, and I'll keep taking those every four hours. Then we stopped at the mall and got a blizzard =)

I'm really lucky to be able to go through all this at home. This is the beauty of midwifery care--I'm getting the medical care I need without having to stay in the hospital. It's a wonderful thing to take walks in my neighborhood, nap in my bed, and play with my dog while we wait.

So, we're still waiting... and we'll keep posting when there's news.

My water broke! 38wks 4days

Yesterday I continued to have the same off and on contractions, nothing special, except that there were definitely 3 or 4 that I had to breathe through. Makes it weird when you're trying to be all professional at work and the baby's doing acrobatics and I have this nice strong contraction and I really really have to pee! But, in all, nothing to indicate labor is approaching.

On the way home from work, Baby Kee and I had a nice long talk about how smoothly we want this labor to go, how we're both ready for it, and if she wants to come tonight, that's alright with me.

So, off to bed we go. A little after 2am, I have to pee, so I do my walrus dance to get this body out of the bed, and realize that my underwear is wet. Hmmm...not a huge gush, but enough to know that I didn't pee on myself. My water broke.

Poor Dan. I yell out to him from the bathroom, "Honey?"
"*sleepy mumble*"
"I think my water broke!"
Sounding a little more awake, "For real?"
"Yeah, for real."
Lights go on, and instantly he's there, "What do you need me to do?"

He's so sweet.

We already had a doppler rented for our trip to WVA, so a quick check of heart tones keeps me from having to wait to feel if the baby is still moving. She sounds beautiful. I have some pH paper that shows whether this is truly amniotic fluid, and it is. The fluid is clear, which is a good sign.

So, I call the midwife, and while I'm waiting for her to call back, Dan and I pray together about the labor and the baby and most of all for God's will in all of this. JoAnn is the midwife on tonight, and we talk a bit when she calls back. She laughs at how I don't need to come in to document rupture of membranes since I did that already, and gives me the normal precautions. It's so sweet to have coworkers and colleagues as my midwives, because we talk about how disappointed I am that my water has broken before labor starts, and she understands my concerns, but is very reassuring.

So, now I'm all excited, but have had a whopping one contraction in the last hour. I'm going to finish drinking my juice and head back to bed. It's a perfect time to call Annelise, since she's already awake, but no answer in Uganda right now. Oh, well, hopefully labor will get started after a good night's sleep.

Prayer requests -
For labor to start SOON!
For safety from infection (which is the main risk when your water is broken)
For our little girl to make it safely into the world, no matter how she does it
For her mama's strength and endurance through all of this
For her daddy's sanity :)

Check back soon for updates!

Time marches on - 33wks 4days

Whoah! I looked up and it's 6 weeks later already! Oops!

A lot has happened in the last month or so. We bought that minivan--we got a really good deal on a Honda Odyssey from a dealer in Pennsylvania. It has lots of fun features like heated seats and a dvd player, but honestly, the features we've been enjoying are much simpler. My favorite is the functioning wipers and wiper fluid. You just turn them on, and they work. Every time. Amazing. Other things work, too, like the driver's side window--it goes down AND up! And none of the idiot lights ding on the dashboard while you're driving down the road. This is a very luxurious life we lead at the moment :)

Another big thing that happened is I GOT A NEW JOB!!! This is exciting because it means I get to stay home with the baby!!! I can't tell you how long and fervently we've prayed for me to be able to stay home. Pretty much since we've been married, maybe even a little before we were married we started praying for that. It's been a huge priority for us, and we've had no idea how we might manage it. But, God is good, and as usual, He has impeccable timing. This new job is with a company called Health Care Strategies, which does medical review for various insurance companies. It requires a good bit of in-office training which will be conveniently completed about a week before my due date. After that, I never have to go into the office again. I work completely from home on nights and weekends, about 20 hours a week. I already have an office set up in the closet of our guest room. Everything is done on the computer and telephone, so it doesn't take much space, but it does need to be dedicated space. Dan is very handy for things like office-building :)

Which brings me to another huge thing that has happened recently. Dan got his Maryland Home Improvement Contractor's License and has officially started business as Kee Carpentry. It's scary and really fun to watch him stepping out on his own. He does excellent work, and has had people calling him for jobs so that he's getting booked into August now. This is another thing that we've been praying for since I can remember--his calling and his ability to provide for our family in a way that's satisfying to him. I can't tell you how incredibly blessed I'm feeling with how these prayers are being and have been answered, and in such a way that we have to continue to lean on God--none of this is our own doing, and yet the provision remains steady and constant and even abundant despite our circumstances.

And of course, we had a few family events in the past few weeks that have kept us on the go... My aunts threw me a baby shower a couple of weeks ago--it was an absolute joy to be home with the women of Corinth and my family around me all welcoming this little one. We were showered with several hand-made items that will be cherished for many years to come, including some antiques from Dan's babyhood that his mother made for him and his brothers. I can't get over all the time and love that went into those gifts and even just organizing that little get together. It's not easy to do for someone who lives so far away and we are so grateful!

This past weekend we were able to attend the wedding of Dan's brother Pat to his college sweetheart, Meg. It was a beautiful ceremony at Meadowlark Gardens in Vienna, VA. It's always so fun to get to see all of our family and a real treat just to be a part of something so special for two people that we love so much. They're honeymooning in the Caribbean right now--and I'm just a teeeeney bit jealous! Of course Bob and Jordan came to stay with us for Father's Day after the wedding, and they brought Jessie, which of course meant we spent a good portion of our weekend on our own little beach. So, I'm still kinda pink from that, and in a way I got to have a little beach vacation of my own!

So, with the start of a new business for Dan and a new job for me, both in addition to our current jobs and the continuation of projects like the bathroom and office, and all the traveling and visiting, you can see why it's been a while since the blog was updated. I finish working at the hospital on July 6, and Dan finishes his old job this Thursday. We're both looking forward to our West Virginia vacation like a beautiful pool in the middle of a desert. And after that, there's only one big event left to wait for...

27wks 2days - Getting ready for baby... in so many ways :)

The past few weeks we've been looking at our finances with an eye toward the upcoming year. I will hopefully be staying home with the baby, which definitely affects what we'll be able to spend and how we'll be spending it. When we started looking at how we spend our money now, we realized that we've fallen into a pattern of buying groceries with the intent to cook healthy meals (read: organic food and lots of fresh produce and lean cuts of meat), then coming home to work overtime and spend our "spare" time on the bathroom, and eating out because there's no time to cook or clean it up. This means we spent a rediculous amount of money for two people for food. This month, we cut that in half, even with the trips to my parents house and visitors. The fun part was living off of the food that we already had in our house for the first few weeks. It is amazing how much food we had between our cabinets, our upstairs fridge and freezer, and our deep freeze. I finally ate all of that cereal I had leftover from my first trimester. (there were ten different boxes sitting on my kitchen table for months!) And I've become very creative with the meals I make. Dan, however, has not been as creative with the names he gives my dishes. A big batch of "gop" lasted us almost a week =) Despite the less than stellar name, he did like it and ate it all up!

We're also getting ready for baby in another way. This past week when meeting with my mentor, we were talking about my car and how it still seems to be running. We had thought a couple of months ago that we'd have to buy something new soon, but then the car kept going and so I told my friend that I'm not sure when we should buy something, since the car is still working just fine. So what did we do? When praying, she specifically asked God for wisdom for Dan and I to know when to buy the new vehicle. The next day, on my way to work, ding!ding!ding! goes the idiot light for the engine temperature. My car's overheating... hmm... I call Dan, and pull over, and refill my coolant resevior with water which we keep in the trunk because these things come in handy with a car this old. A few more miles down the road, and it happens again. Only two miles left to get to work, so I wait for it to cool down, and make it into the parking lot as the guage is topping off again.

Also, during all this, the engine starts doing this funny chugging/lurching thing. I tell Dan what we prayed for, and he just laughs. At the end of my shift, I refill the coolant with more water, and I only have to stop once on the way home, but the temperature is maxing out again as I pull into the driveway. Dan spends the weekend cleaning out the coolant system, and changing the oil to see if this helps, and getting the paperwork together for a car loan. It does help, for a little bit, but the next time I go to work (which is in Baltimore), I drive the truck and since he works in Annapolis, he takes the car. It overheats again. Off to the mechanic it goes. And me? I'm car shopping! Minivan land, here we come!

26wks 4days - We're growing a gymnast :)

I'm hoping to post some pictures when I get home from work tonight, as we've had a couple of sonograms since the last time I posted them. Even though life keeps going and things keep happening, time does not stand still in utero to wait for me to be finished dealing with my "regular" life and be ready to focus on Baby. So, in the past couple of weeks, her movements have grown, her body has grown, and *my* body has grown!

I was in gymnastics as a child (LOVED it) and I think this little one is practicing already. Even as I'm sitting here, I can feel her flipping from head down to feet down, and back to head down. She gets herself turned sideways, and stretches my belly out and I just have to stop and wait, and then flip! there she goes again. Her movements are strong enough that you can see by belly do this little bounce thing when she kicks.

And my belly! It's getting bigger! I mean, it's not huge yet, but it's in the way sometimes. I find myself trying to squeeze past people at work, or between a chair and wall, and just getting stuck, because I forget that I don't fit anymore. I did some weeding on Monday, but when I bent over to pick out the chickweed clumps, it was actually painful--there's just no room for me to bend over like that anymore. So I ended up sitting crosslegged and leaning forward, which gave my belly more room. And while it all still fits, some of the smaller maternity shirts are getting full. I can see that they will most likely not last into August. I look down at myself and wonder how it can get much bigger, how much more size do I have left to gain?

25wks 6days - A long couple of weeks

Wow, it's been a while since I've been able to post, though I've been journaling at home. A lot has happened in a few weeks. The same week that Uncle John passed away, we lost a member of our church to suicide. Just as we were getting home and beginning to process everything, the Virginia Tech shootings rocked our world again. Yet, in the middle of the sadness and grief, Dan passed his exam for his contractor's license, we were baptized this past Sunday, and we've been celebrating the growth of this little one who now makes my belly visibly move when she kicks! Emotionally, there have been so many swings up and down, and the lesson has definitely been how unchanging God is.

There's a study I'm doing with my friend Kathryn called the Destined series. Throughout the study, they reinforce the faith principal, which relies on the fact that once you've established that the Word of God is true, you can trust it, even if your emotions and circumstances tell you otherwise. This is the essence of faith. Not believing in something when it feels right, and then abandoning it when it no longer produces the same emotions, but trusting that a good decision has been made and sticking with it. The same thing applies in marriage--you make a committment, a decision, and you stick with it, even when it's hard, even when it doesn't feel right. The only reason I can honestly see sticking with someone who is human and capable of hurting me so deeply, though, is because there is a God that I can trust. I know that the people around me will fail me, hurt me, leave me at some point--it's unavoidable in this life. However, God promises to never do those things, and even more, to give us new life without those inevitable pains, and that is something that's worth my faith.

24 wks - Life remembered

Saturday April 14, 2007 24wks

My Uncle John died this Wednesday. I am so thankful to have had the chance to tell him goodbye in person. I’m also thankful for the chance to say my goodbye with Friends at his funeral today. Those of you who were at our wedding may remember that there was no preacher to say a service and have us repeat vows. Instead we were surrounded by people who loved us sharing stories of our lives and well wishes for our future. I love the church we go to at home, but there’s something about a meeting for worship for the purpose of laying someone to rest that is so healing, and I think it offers the best way to let someone go in a healthy way. Instead of someone saying a eulogy while everyone sits quietly, in a Friends meeting, you start with the sitting quietly, and before long, you’ve heard childhood memories, laughed and cried and shared your own stories, and you’ve thoroughly remembered the life of this person you loved. It was a beautiful day, and a beautiful life.

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Here is the obituary that was published after his death:
Raiford, John C.
Thursday, April 12, 2007

Nags Head, NC
John Calvin Raiford, 80, a former resident of Alexandria, VA. and a resident of Nags Head, NC since 1992, passed away at his home on Wednesday, April 11, 2007 with his family by his side. Born in Southampton County, VA, he was the son of the late Philip Malone Raiford and Otelia West Raiford. He was a graduate of Ivor High School, Earlham College, earned his Masters of Education from the University of Virginia, and his Masters of Art from the University of Nebraska. He taught at Ivor High School, Thomas Dale High School in Chesterfield, Va, Waynesboro High School, and retired from T. C. Williams High School in Alexandria, VA, after teaching for more than 30 years; and he conducted student tours of Germany, Russia, Italy, France, and England. Mr. Raiford was a member of the Nags Head Board of Attestment; an active member of the Virginia Education Association, and the National Education Association.

He is survived by two sisters, Lorraine R. Sheffield of Waverly, VA, and Mae Brown and husband, David, of Greensboro, NC; a devoted friend of many years, Max Moore of Nags Head, NC; and his extended family of several nieces and nephews. He was predeceased by two brothers, George Philip Raiford and Walter Raiford; and one sister, Frances R. Neave.

Funeral services will be held Saturday, April 14, 2007 at 2 p.m. at Corinth Friends Meeting in Ivor, Virginia with Jeff Crim officiating. Interment will follow in Rosemont Cemetery, Sedley, Virginia. The family will receive friends Friday evening from 6:30 until 8:00 p.m. at the Purviance Chapel of J. T. Morriss & Son Funeral Homes and Cremation Service in Wakefield, Virginia. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the Albermarle Hospice, P.O. Box 189, Elizabeth City, NC 27909, or Corinth Friends Meeting, 13494 Corinth Rd., Ivor, VA 23866. Condolences may be posted on our website at www.jtmorriss.com.
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On a lighter note, Baby Kee is officially viable today. While it may sound a bit morbid to think about, this is an important mile stone for people to cross and is something I think about on a daily basis at work as it pertains to my patients. It means that if something were to happen and we delivered the baby early, her chances of survival actually exist now, and are getting better each day.

23wks 1day- Another family weekend!

Happy Easter!

We had a visit from Bob and Jordan this past weekend, and got to spend time with their granddaughter Jessie and her friend Brianna, as well as have dinner with Pat and Meg. It was fun adventures for all. The girls were so excited about the baby the first night they were here that we sent the boys out for pizza and promptly drug out the latest bin of baby clothes to sort through and ooh and ahh over. And of course, the next day, we had to go out and purchase a few more outfits for the baby. She’s going to be better dressed than I am, that’s for sure!

While Dan worked, the rest of us shopped and lunched and napped, and then we he got home, we headed down to the beach with Cocoa. The girls had a mission to accomplish—they were determined that since they were at the water, they should go swimming. Cocoa, of course, agreed. =) After quite a bit of hemming and hawing, and a little nudging, swim they did despite the mildly blustery weather. We went home to a fire and burgers and a visit from Pat and Meg. We did get quite a few name suggestions out of the weekend though.

I’m working this weekend, which is a little sad, since I’m missing Easter at our home church, Mariners. It’s amazing how many people don’t even know why the Easter holiday exists. The girls at work brought in eggs and dye kits and we decorated Easter eggs, but none of us could figure out how that relates to Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection on Easter Sunday. I’m sure someone out there knows. Or I could Google it. But here’s what I do know. Today is a very very special day. Way more special than Christmas, even, because about 2000 years ago, God came to earth in the form of a man, lived an amazing life in which he did all the things that humans do, but he didn’t get caught up in the baggage the way we do—he never sinned. He spent a few years teaching people about himself and the relationship he wants to have with us and then he let those people kill him. Not because he’s a good teacher, or because he was a prophet and it was his time. But, because he was paving the way for us to be with God. See, a truly just God cannot simply ignore sin—it must be paid for. The only one who can pay a debt like that for others is someone who doesn’t already owe his own debt. Jesus’ death on the cross did just that, but it was his resurrection that we’re celebrating. There is victory over death, a reason to hope beyond this life, and a grace that covers anything I can come with to screw up this life. God promises the same resurrection for those who recieve His gift of grace. That, to me, is pretty amazing. If you’re interested in more of the details on the who, how, and why, check out this short but informative read: More than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell

22wks 3days - A family weekend

This past weekend we took a trip south and stayed with my parents for a brief visit. It wasn't as long as we'd like, but it was nice to see everyone, and it was jam packed with family that we don't often get to visit with. Saturday we caught up on a little sleep, then headed to the beach where we got to spend a little time with my Aunt Mae and Aunt Tootsie, and visit a little with my Uncle John.

My Uncle John isn't doing so well, and we wanted to take the chance to see him while we could. He gets tired very easily these days, so we couldn't stay long, but I got to have a sweet conversation with him and share a picture of the baby. The best part was that we decided on her middle name, and I got to share that with him, too. He has always been a favorite among all the cousins, and it was so sweet to be able to spend that time with him and share his joy about our little one. He speaks slowly and deliberately from the strokes that he's had, but his mind is clear, and he spoke frankly about his condition and with obvious joy at getting to be with the people that he loves. It was a visit that I will treasure.

We flew home (the return trip of little Maxine Tallulah's first plane ride!) and had pizza at Joe's for lunch. My mom actually got to feel the baby move! I sat back feeling kind of stuffed and she was kicking and Mom put her hand on my belly and got a tiny wallop! When we got hom, we enjoyed a walk with the dogs before having my mom's family over for supper. I stuffed myself on yummy corn pudding... mmmm! We oohed and aahhhed over baby clothes and giggled over baby names and generally had fun.

21wks 4days - Cuteness Update

19wks 4days Official Sono Profile
Originally uploaded by Toasted Salmon.

Baby Kee is at it again... Here are some photos from the past couple of weeks, now available on the flickr page. She had some playtime with the nurses at Bayview, and her official sonogram. Yesterday, we practiced our sonograms at the pregnancy clinic (another nurse and I are working toward being able to do them independently, which requires over 50 supervised sonograms), and she was proclaimed very photogenic. The machine there lets us put in a dvd and record the sonogram, so we have video of her bouncing around, waving her hands, and sucking and swallowing.

This sharing of my body with another person is starting to get interesting. I've had a couple of contractions in the last two weeks, which was an interesting sensation. It's completely normal for your body to practice these things long before the big day, so it's nothing to worry about. They weren't painful at all, just the flexing of a muscle, and I would have missed it if I was busy at work or something. Just yesterday, her kicks and hiccups were big enough that I could feel some of them up high in my uterus (which is above my belly button now) and some on top of my bladder. It's a little weird to be going about my day, emailing or lost in my own thoughts, and have her rolling around in there, doing her thing. I find myself stopping to talk to her when she moves, talking to her when we change activities, talking to her about Cocoa when he snuggles us, talking to her about the food I'm going to eat when I'm hungry. And on these warm days when we're lounging on the beach, I tell her how much fun she's going to have swimming this summer and playing with Cocoa in the water =) I'm really looking forward to the day she arrives, to holding her, and getting to know her. Only four months left!

20wks 6days - Daddy felt the baby move!

This little one has been bouncing all over the place, and in just two weeks has gone from movements that I feel about once a day, to movements that are reliably felt every few hours. And very explosive movements at that! Every now and then I feel a tickle or a soft bump, but often, when she gets started, it feels more like a fireworks finale of punches and kicks and jumps and rolls. I've been able to feel these movements on the outside of my belly with my hands every once in a while for a few days, but Dan hasn't been able to catch one yet.

Until tonight! Tonight, after work, laying on the couch just before bed, I felt her start moving. Then the gymnastics started, which I announced with glee, and Dan had his hand on my belly for just a moment when she gave a humongous kick! Dan's eyes lit up while I was asking "Did you feel that?" He just bent over my belly and started talking to the baby and kissing my belly and saying silly things and generally being quite excited about his first contact with his daughter. He's such a proud papa and so attached to her already. He felt her kick one more time before she quieted down, and he said it felt like a tiny little bump.

Now I just wonder what Cocoa will think when she's bigger and we're cuddling in bed one morning and his head is getting bounced around on my belly from all her activity...

Names

With three sets of grandparents, it's going to be fun to hear what everyone wants to be called. Bob and Jordan already have a few grandchildren from Jordan's kids, and they have been Grandfather and Mimi for years now. When you get down to it, pretty much all the grandparent names sound a little funny. My great-grandparents were Memar (the r is silent) and Pappy, and my grandparents were Grammy, Grandpa, Grandma, and Grandaddy. Dan's were Grandfather and Grandmother... so formal sounding to me. I wonder what our parents will want to be called? And I wonder how these things get started? Like is there some family meeting where this is decided, or do they just start referring to themselves by a name? Or do you wait and see what the grandkids actually call them... and then they're just stuck with "Gaaa!"

My little one year old cousin Kaylee calls my dad Parper. It's so adorable! Maybe he'll be Grand-parper =)

And then there's the question of what to name the kid--What do you think of Fisher Kee? (btw, I'm laughing because I know some of you will think I'm joking and most of you will think I'm not and will be scared to say so... I'm just going to leave you hanging on that one for a while) Don't worry--we won't be announcing her real name until she arrives =)